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Friday, 3 September 2010

Not another Top 5 List; How to survive a night bus

1. Don't be tall
Only children, dwarfs and/or double-leg amputees should expect any level of comfort from these tiny "beds"

2. Spoon a stranger
If there is a better way to become quickly acquainted with the person next to you, we haven't found it yet. Short, narrow reclining seats with just an arm-rest separating you ensures the necessity to adopt this intimate sleeping position.

3. Lights on, lights off

Thought you'd bring a book along to pass the hours? No; your driver has turned the lights out. Bring a head torch. Thought you'd sleep since it's all dark in the bus now? No; your driver is making another commission-earning pit stop - sorry, toilet stop for everyone's comfort and enjoyment - and you will wake up for it. We're sorry; the head torch won't help you now

4. Don't expect to sleep
We've called it a 'night bus' here because surely the word 'sleeper' was only ever a wild miss-translation...brace yourself for a long night and seriously consider investing in some valium. Readers will be happy to hear rhohipnal is also widely available in Asia (and, when not dropped into your bacardi breezer unannounced, actually very effective) but please see #5

5. Don't buy sleeping pills with a Vietnamese girl called Flower
Team 365 has it on good authority that those who do may well end up with a 12-hour erection instead (please see #2 and picture the scene yourself.) that's why the pharmacist cast a knowing glance at your pretty Vietnamese companion and said "yes, you sleep real good tonight" when you inquired about the strength of the pills (thanks to our man-in-the-field, Steve Barker, for that one)


  1. good thing you have not inherited the dutch gene then - anders liggen je benen of je hoofd er volledig vanaf! Veel plezier alle drie en blijf bloggen!!!

  2. Trish said

    Hey - enough of the Duth after a blog like that!! ;-) Desperately trying to remember some Afrikaans to translate! Laughed out loud! xx