Not another 'Top 5' list: Things not to say in India

1. I arrived in Delhi this morning, this is my first time in India
Save yourself the breath and the bother and just hand that crisp wad of notes to the first friendly local that offers his assistance.

2. Here, have some food instead
Ah no, no, no...these beggar children aren't putting their tiny dirty hands to their stomachs, then their mouths and then out to you because they're hungry. Their parents and pimps are feeding them just fine - put that food away and show them some money, stupid.

3. Oh, the West Indies are playing well, aren't they?
Though this may be the case, no self-respecting, cricket-loving India is going to enjoy this kind of verbal slap in the face.

4. Which was is [insert any town/city name here]?
Don't worry! No need to ask this one because you are always already on the right road, you just need to "straight go'' (follow emphatically pointing finger) and you are - usually - exactly 5km away. Who needs a map, eh?

5. No, I'm not married
Yes you are. For the ease of all verbal interactions and to save any females from unwanted propositions; you are married.